Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize