Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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