There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
