I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's get the cat blown out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
