dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
