he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
