i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize