You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The adults are the big ones right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
