fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
