Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
