WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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