Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize