May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
