I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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