I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
