Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
