Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
