Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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