i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
