I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
