i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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