oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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