$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
