New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FUCK WHALES
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize