I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
