just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
