I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
fuck your aforementioned shoe
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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