yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
