I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
