in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
