No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she peed on how many people?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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