dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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