They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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