i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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