i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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