Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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