I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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