I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
