You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
