I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
