Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
