Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize