I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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