He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
