i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
