I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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