so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
