you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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