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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
