I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
