are you so shy because you have an std?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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