areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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