Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
