Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
