bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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