He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
