we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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