That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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