Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
