We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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