i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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