when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
