I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize