Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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