I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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