I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
