Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
