so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
