Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize