when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
